you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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