My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
