So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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