and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
