There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
