I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
