SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
