So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
