Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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