Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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