Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
