Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
