Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
