so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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