I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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