why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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