So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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