I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
