Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
