I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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