We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
