Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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