I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
