I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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