he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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