I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
