You just made me feel so damn special
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
