Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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