it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
