I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
