Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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