I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
