never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
