please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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