just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
