the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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