I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
