I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize