I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
