I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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