It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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