I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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