i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
