R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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