I think im going to throw up on grandma
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
