I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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