he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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