I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this boner is exhausting
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
