Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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