this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
