I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
