The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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