There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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