My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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