Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
