I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
