In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
