I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
