every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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