Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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