so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
