the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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