I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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