this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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