I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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