Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
